gen_derfluid | duplicity inbox

I want to remind you to be patient with yourself, but also say that I wouldn't have asked if didn't think you could.
Either way I will be proud of you.

That was my concern, yes.
We aren't asking for a commitment, and I'm sure anything we'd voice he already knows.
Not that smelling emotions is any less weird six months later.
Anyway calling them "expectations" seems like really overstating it but I know I don't want anything that he hasn't freely given us.
I never "expect" him to come over, or give me advice, or spend the night.
Those are things he does because wants to, aren't they?
Earlier in today's conversation he said again I can always call him, and he keeps telling you that you're never bothering him either.
He's more than a friend we're sleeping with to you too, right?

...though I guess it is a little worrying to realize that.
Even he called it a relationship and I'm not sure what he's getting out of my side of things.

I know you will, love, and I will keep trying to be patient with myself. Don't worry.

I would certainly like to think he wouldn't do them as often as he did if he didn't want to do them, yes.
Especially since when he really can't handle things with us, it tends to show.
We've made it clear he can give himself space whenever he needs it.
I imagine all he wants to be sure of is that we don't expect more than what he gives.
And, as you say, we don't.
But yes, there really is no neat label but he is more than that.

Kazu, love. What do you think he should be getting out of your side?

[ He could dive directly back into his usual assurances about why people like having him around, but no, different angle here. ]

I can feel your tone through text and don't mean it like how you think I do this time.
Making friends who haven't mindshared with me has proven that I'm not the complete nightmare I thought it was.
You aren't completely biased.
I still believe I'm very lucky, but I understand what you see better now and know I can be good for people who aren't you.
But if he's more than a friend I have the same worry about things being unbalanced that I did with you at the beginning.
Where I'm always leaning on him and not the other way around.

It was a fair assumption, given prior discussions, but good. I'm glad to see you say so.

But I still think you are seeing a problem that isn't there, love.
At least not in a way that you could even fix on your side.
Akihiro has his struggles, we both know this by now, and we also both know that it isn't for lack of you trying to let him lean you on that he isn't.
Yet that time when you overstepped without meaning to, he came to us when he was ready again. Even if he didn't talk about it much.
And he still comes by. He is getting something from our company and care for him, Kazu.
It's just not the kind of something that is as tangible as a conversation or outright comfort.

You know, I don't want you to feel like you did last month ever again, but I do miss kind of being the one who was right about things.
Sometimes, anyway.
It was a refreshing change to hear "of course you're right, darling" but also a lot of responsibility.
So I guess you can have your job back.
And maybe I will try to cover now and then if you'd like a day off?

...jokes aside, I do think you're right.
I don't have to know specifically what that something is for it to exist, so long as he enjoys being with us.
That's all I want out of whatever this relationship is.
Apparently being less terrified of my mistakes driving people I care about away is going to be a one at a time kind of goal?
Obviously you were first.
But it feels like we need a betting pool now.
If you guess who will be second I'll come up with some sort of prize.

I love you, Val.

Well I certainly couldn't bet in that pool, I have insider information.
But you'll get there, love.
That you're not doubting why he likes you at all is already a far cry from where we were when we got here.
It sounds like you even handled him asking the question as well as is possible at this point, too.
Progress is rarely as fast as you may like it to be, but it's still progress.

And you can cover for me when I'm being illogical again, don't worry.
I love you too.

It was over text, so although I suspect he knew I was panicking anyway
Yes, I managed.
Though Logan shouted at me for harshing his boner which
Doesn't even seem like a possible thing that just happened
But this is reality today.
At least he didn't know I was talking to his son.

[ ........sorry Kazu he's cracking up again and I'm sure you know it. ]

Oh, darling, you really are having a day, aren't you.
Just try to survive without making him need to do so a second time.

It's not the WORST day
But it may well be the WEIRDEST day since we've been here
In terms of how many things that I didn't expect to ever happen are now happening within hours of one another.
At this point I'm just glad that I wasn't still completely naked when Logan showed up.
He looked at me, Val.
Like was looking.
Sir please I am very involved with your son.
I know they're not actually uncomfortable with that like Scott and Nate but NO?!

[ Val is now getting very weird looks from Trixx for how much he's laughing. The more !!! Kazu is the funnier it gets, as is the unfortunate constant for Kazu's poor, extremely reactive self. ]

How do you end up in these situations.
I think the universe may just find how you react as amusing as everyone else.
Clearly it wouldn't get enough entertainment value out of anyone else.

You're probably right, both because you're always right and because I wouldn't be surprised.
And I don't care about the universe's entertainment but I'm glad you're amused.
That was not sarcastic.
The unfortunate thing is I can't hear your laugh right now.

This is making another day at home much less boring.
But if your day keeps going like this I'm sure I'll have reason to laugh where you can hear me later.

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